Dolls, Pjs, and Angry HalfBrothers
by Maureen3
Summary: It's a party -- Ares and Herc style.


Title: Dolls, PJs, and Angry Half Brothers

Author: Maureen

Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Hercules aren't mine, and you know it! They belong to Ren pics.

Feedback: Feedback, hate mail, death threats... all welcome. Only feedback is encouraged, though. Send it to me at greek_amazon@yahoo.com

Sex / violence: A little of this, a little of that. When I say little, I mean really little. More mentions than anything.

Rating: PG

Summary: It's a party -- Ares and Herc style.

Author's notes: This is in response to Tali's fanfic challenge. I really had a lot of trouble working Callisto into it, so her appearance is really pathetic. This is pure weirdness... Enjoy! ;)

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"Ares, you owe me big. Time to pay up," Aphrodite confronted him. Now it seemed like having her temple walls spattered with blood wasn't such a bad thing because she could now make Ares do _WHATEVER SHE WANTED HIM TO._

"I'll go along with your plan," he commented darkly, "except for these." Ares stepped out from behind the pillar dressed in fuzzy pink PJs. "Give me back my leather. NOW!" It was humiliating enough having his sister see him this way, he certainly wasn't going to let them see him this way. 

"Nuh-uh, bro. You can't wear normal clothes, gotta be pajamas." She waggled her finger at him.

"I will wear pajamas. I will not wear THESE pajamas. My leather," he finished expectantly. Aphrodite sighed and granted him his normal attire.

"I still can't believe you're doing this," Commented Ares. Aphrodite squeezed herself in a hug the way she always did when she was happy.

"I know! It'll be great!"

"Whatever. By the way sis, there is no way you are dressing Xena."

"Oh, like you are! I won't trust you to put her in decent PJs if your life depended on it!" Ares drew his sword and leveled it at Aphrodite's neck.

"I will not have her in one of your horrid pink concoctions."

"Duh," she squeaked, pushing the blade away. "You won't have her!"

"I won't let you. Not to Xena." he promised.

"Relax bro. Her PJs aren't pink. You'll like them."

"That's what you said about this whole idea."

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"Gee Herc, think we'll get out of this one?" said Iolaus, looking at the near-hundred warriors closing in on him and the demi-God.

"We always do." Hercules said preparing to fight, when all of a sudden both of them vanished in Aphrodite's golden light.

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"Gabrielle! Get down!" yelled Xena as a barrage of arrows headed towards the bard. Gabrielle ducked and brought her sais to the ready.

"Where are they?" she asked the warrior princess.

"Right here," commented a burly man from behind them. They spun around to see the large man holding a knife to Joxer's throat.

"Joxer," gasped Gabrielle.

"If you want to see him alive again, you'll come with us willingly, Xena."

"I don't think -- " And suddenly, all three were gone in a brilliant golden shimmer, that left the thugs positively stupefied.

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"--so..." finished Xena, confused as to her whereabouts. 

"You're here!" squealed Aphrodite.

"Aphrodite? Where are we?" asked Gabrielle.

"This is my room! You're crashing here for the night!"

"What??" asked Xena.

"A slumber party! Dig?"

"A slumber party?" asked Hercules. Xena whipped her head around, noticing for the first time that he and Iolaus were here as well.

"Aphrodite, we have better things to do."

"Oh come on it'll be fun!" a thought seemed to occur to Aphrodite and she reached behind a pillar only to pull out the God of War -- Dressed solely in black silk pajama pants. The only one who seemed unfazed seeing him like this was Xena.

"On second thought," Hercules smirked, "maybe I'll stay and see what unfolds."

"Tired of leather, Ares?" commented Iolaus.

"Oh, you'll get yours," he promised the pair darkly.

"Ex-squeeze me," Aphrodite cut it. "You guys need your PJs"

"Our what?" the five chorused. From each of the fingers on one of Aphrodite's hands spewed a golden light that encompassed each of them, for a brief time. Ares laughed evilly as he caught a glimpse of Hercules, Iolaus, Gabrielle and Joxer. His smile faded and turned to an ogling stare as he caught sight of Xena. Aphrodite surveyed her handy work and gave herself a full body hug. Xena first noticed her companion's new clothes. Hercules, in place of his usual loose vest and pants wore fuzzy pink pants with red hearts and the occasional teddy bear printed into the design. Her gaze shifted from him to Iolaus, who wore a fluffy, baby-blue version of his vest and pants. She looked from him to Joxer, who was dressed in a dark-green silk pair of PJs (he probably got the luck of the draw here) who was gazing in disbelief at Gabrielle next to him. Gabrielle was dressed in a costume similar to Aphrodite's day wear, but slightly more revealing and the pink gauze wore like a puffy dress over top. Seeing them like that she laughed as evilly as Ares had a minute ago. She stopped when she caught Ares staring slack-jawed and buggy-eyed at her. Only then did she glance down to see her own attire. An incredibly short, low cut, tight-fitting, black silk dress-THING. Aphrodite had changed to pajamas as well. Pink loose-fitting, full-length PJs. Xena uncomfortably pulled the hem of the thing she was wearing downwards, before proceeding to glare at Ares, who abruptly averted his gaze. Xena felt another pair of eyes staring at her. She turned to see Hercules watching the hem of her dress with increasing interest. She tried to deliver a steely gaze at him, but burst out laughing when she saw his heart-infested pants. Meanwhile, Gabrielle was attempting to fend off the gazes of Joxer and Iolaus, while at the same time, rearranging the airy pink fabric to conceal herself better. 

"Aphrodite!" screamed Gabrielle.

"Get over it, Gabby," Xena commented, deciding that she could deal with her own PJs as long as she got to watch the bard be tortured. 

"Let's get on with the PARRRR-TAAAYYY!!" yelled Aphrodite.

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The gang sat in a circle, each on a pillow, waiting while Gabrielle thought.

"Uhhh....I've never...what haven't I done?...I've never...um... never...." she looked warily at Xena before continuing "I've never sleptwithAres," she finished quickly. Xena glared at Gabrielle, but raised her hand, refusing to meet Ares' smirk. Aphrodite raised her hand too.

"Eww!" said Joxer to Aphrodite.

"It was over a century ago, OK?" Aphrodite explained angrily. 

"That's just gross!"

"Oh, come on! Like you didn't know that Cupid was our kid!" That left Joxer at a loss for words. He did know that.

"I guess I just don't think about that..." he mused.

"Doesn't matter, it's MY turn!!" yelled Iolaus. Everyone shut up and stared at him. 

"Good. I've never danced naked with anyone,"

"Where did THAT come from?" asked Gabrielle.

"No one would do that," commented Hercules.

"Well, Gabrielle danced naked once," said Joxer, earning him a punch in the jaw from Gabby. "But, it was a spell, and it wasn't with anyone," covered Joxer quickly, rubbing his bruised chin. No one had noticed when two hands sheepishly rose, until Hercules' gaze caught. Everyone else's followed. Xena and Ares cringed under the heavy weight of the stares.

"Well, this game is a waste of time," said Ares, lowering his arm.

"You," said Hercules to Ares "and you?" he finished to Xena, jealously very evident in his voice. "Together?" Ares smirked at his half-brother.

"This isn't truth or dare, I don't have to answer that," said Xena.

"Is my little half-brother jealous?" Ares asked, as Dite, Iolaus, Gabrielle and Joxer sat back to enjoy the show. Hercules was seething.

"I should just..."

"Herc, calm down," warned Xena.

"Oh, the details I could give you," continued Ares. Xena punched him.

"Oh, come on Xena. It was fun," Ares said seductively. Xena smirked, causing Hercules to have a near seizure. 

"Oh no! Hercules is angry," pouted Ares. He looked down at his hand expectantly, and a Hercules doll appeared there. He began walking the doll around in front of him, narrating as he went.

"I'm Hercules, defender of the innocent! Oh no! What's this?" he put the Hercules doll down, and in each of his hands appeared another doll -- One Xena and one Ares. 

"Oh Ares," he said in a high-pitched voice, "you're so sexy," then reverting to his own voice, "You're not so bad yourself, warrior princess." He switched back to the 'Xena voice.' "Let's have some wild, crazy, shrieking, screaming, hot, sweaty sex, just like we used to!" He put down the Xena and Ares dolls and picked up the Hercules one again.

"Oh no! It's my evil half-brother, Ares! And he's trying to seduce my Xena!" He waved the Hercules doll around like some muscle-bound, machoistic, pain in the butt. He lifted the Xena doll again and made it talk to the Hercules doll.

"I'm not YOUR Xena! And it's consensual, extremely passionate sex, not seduction! Maybe if you had more than two brain cells in that muscle-filled head of yours, you'd realize that!" The Xena doll began attacking the Hercules doll.

"Oh, for the Gods sake!" Xena yelled, snatching the Hercules doll away from Ares and biting its head off.

"Hey! That was me!" yelled Hercules. Xena turned to him.

"Pthoo." She spit the head out at Hercules, and it bounced off his chest.

"Hope it's not an omen," commented Iolaus, taking the headless Herc doll from Xena.

"Hope it is," Ares smirked. Hercules boiled with rage.

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From up in Heaven, Callisto watched the scene unfold. She really hoped she hadn't made a terrible mistake choosing Xena. Really, really, hoped.

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Thanks to Ares and Hercules, all-out pillow war had erupted. Ares and Herc were going at each other like ferrets with pillows and really bad attitudes, when Iolaus tried help his companion by beating Ares with his pillow. At some point, Gabrielle, Joxer and Aphrodite had gotten into a pillow catfight, and were now trying violently to untangle themselves from each other. Xena stood in the middle, pillow raised, doing nothing. She smiled evilly, and decided she would take them all out, starting with the half-brothers. She charged into the war and feathers flew. Iolaus was sent sprawling into the other pillow fight by a rather harsh blow from Xena. Hercules caught her pillow upside the jaw and fell backwards. Ares caught her from behind with his pillow and swept her legs out from under her. When she tried to get up, he pinned her down with his body. He smiled playfully and kissed her passionately. He pulled back before Xena had a chance to respond, and grinned mischievously at her. She entwined her bare leg around his silk clad one, and brought one hand to his bare chest before she spoke.

"Ares," she was breathing heavily. "Let's go have some wild, crazy, shrieking, screaming, hot, sweaty, extremely passionate, warlike sex, just like we used to," she finished. Ares grinned down at her.

"Ok," he replied, and they both vanished from the room in his white-blue light.

~End~


End file.
